SEPTEMBER 18, 2020
We have talked before about some of the habits from Steven Covey’s “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” Given the politically charged times we are living in today, I thought I would pontificate a little more as to the time tested habit #5. “Seek First to Understand, Then be Understood.” As Covey points out, if you are like most people, you probably seek first to be understood because you want to get your point across FIRST. I still have a hard time controlling my own urge to speed up the conversation by getting everything I know out on the table before others. I am an activator so my thought is, “Say it now.” This is RUDE and I should learn to LISTEN more to others. I mean ‘really listening’ rather than pretending to listen or have selective hearing. (Which often comes in handy when you are stuck at home with your spouse) I can guarantee you, I do this more now that I am older and don’t want to be bothered. By not listening to others, we may miss the entire meaning of the conversation which we see in politics a LOT these days.
We should seek first to understand because we may just end up being the FOOL in the room. We should seek first to understand so that we can LEARN better. As we have discussed, being a lifelong learner is very important. Since most of us think we know it all, seeking to understand others is a wise process that requires time, critical thinking, and the most difficult of all, EMPATHY. Now God did give me empathy in my top five Gallup Strengths but it is up to me to use this strength as I seek to understand, appreciate, and believe in others. That means I ought to keep my mouth shut until I really understand the situation. Only THEN is when I might be able to bring something to the discussion. This a good place for Carnegie’s; “Don’t kick over the beehive.” If you don’t have something nice to say to someone, keep it to yourself. (Try a little Self-Awareness here)
Seeking is a great word of wisdom so I hope all of you are “Seekers” or “Learners” in some manner. Once you have all the THINGS you need in life, you might want to try seeking your WHY. Or, just seek understanding in the relationships with family, friends or business associates. Once you understand, then you can show others YOUR side. Don’t let that stop you from moving forward on offense though. (find some courage) Too many of us become so self-centered that we forget there are other people in this world that may have some of the answers we seek in life. Don’t be afraid to ask.
We ALL want to be understood because it is only human. We ALL want people to care about and be interested in us. (I hope you are interesting) We want to be significant and important and sometimes the only way this can happen with others is to go out and show ourselves before we really understand ourselves. (I hope that makes sense) If you think about it, “Seek first to understand” is the #1 Rule in business conversations. Too many of us enter a business conversation to score points. Covey says, “most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand.” Try preparing an upcoming sales call by talking to yourself and expecting yourself to listen more than you talk. (Tough for this cowboy to do) You just might learn something and find more common ground with your prospect or customer. This is a great relationship building skill.
I will close with a widely known Christian prayer for peace which is the Prayer of St. Francis. (check it out) “Lord, grant that I may seek; To comfort rather than be comforted; to understand rather than to be understood; to love, rather than to be loved.” (God already loves you more than you know) We all want to be loved but LOVE is a two way street. You have to love in return. (Be a good giver and a good receiver) Not by gifts of gold, silver or THINGS. But with your heart.
Here’s wishing you much peace and understanding. Sit in silence and think about this week’s remarks. You just might find that you can be a vessel of love and peace to others.
Elevator Guy