JULY 16, 2021
A number of years ago when I was closing in on the end of my business career, I had an epiphany by way of a long-standing disagreement with one of my business partners over something insignificant today, but what seemed very important to both of us at the time. While we may have differing opinions regarding this event, we both had differing methods to measure success or control. While each of us may have had our precious egos in question, I can now look back and realize that this is exactly what I needed to help me grow as a person. (Character Building) I was told that I had better look deep inside myself, or in other words, take off my mask and look into my own mirror. (Seeking self-actualization) I am one who is not usually at a loss for words as to how to react to most situations. But my pride and ego were on the line and I had to use a little self-restraint here. I can’t remember a time in my life that I would strike back physically or say something irrationally to intentionally hurt someone, unless I was first physically attacked which only happened a few times in my life during my high school and college years. Yes, there may have been an exchange of derogatory remarks. But I was taught to win the battle of the heart and keep the peace. SO, what did I do? Exactly what I was asked to do. “Look Deep Inside.” (Thank you partner) And it worked! This turning point put me on a path of wanting and needing to find out who I really was and the man I was becoming. I realized, it was not about me (or him) in the first place. It was about our TEAM. Yes, we both had our own strong opinions as to the correct solution to an issue. But that was not the most important thing to either of us and would only cause more lack of trust, anger, division, and regret. While I don’t like conflict, I look for the Win/Win in a situation and this was one of those times. You don’t have to be right or win all of the time. (This goes for marriages or any relationship as well.)
Some may call this being a “Chickens—t,” (You fill in the blanks) a weenie, or a coward. None of us ever wants to look weak or have our manhood challenged or tested. But this cowboy was taught that I needed to step back and learn from this encounter. What was the “Wise” thing to do? (“Hold your powder”) I may have retreated to my corner on this battle but I wanted to play the long game of life by being victorious. While I love being a warrior for my faith, family and friends; I realized and accepted the fact that my business career comes third. Being the “Bigger” man often calls for a retreat and deep reflection. Remember; One needs to play offense occasionally rather than playing defense all of the time. Be careful of saying something you will regret later or taking a swing which is merely a reflection of an overly inflated ego, (“The Big Me.”)
Looking in the mirror (self-awareness) is key to building strong relationships and is always a two-way street. This is my way of helping others by “lifting up” a relationship rather than tearing it down. The relationship may have been damaged in this situation, but it was not my intent to come out on top in order to prove a point. He was my partner and I made an early commitment to “Try” to work together. (Unity) Since that time, I have reflected, studied, and read books like; “The Laws of Human Nature,” & “The 48 Laws of Power, (by Robert Greene)“The Art of War,” (by Sun Tzu), “Ego is the Enemy,” (by Ryan Holiday) and “Love Does” (by Bob Goff), along with many other great books, and realized that, it is not about either party’s ego, but about our team and learning Self-Mastery. My dad taught me early in life that, it isn’t always important to be the Alpha male. (Often the one who plays the fool) It is much more difficult to be, an authentic man, the rational and loving man, or a brother. Even if it costs you a friendship. Actually, while I did start my studies, I also confided in my mentors and siblings (along with a great amount of prayer) about the best course of action and to make sure I was going down the right path. (My own Band of Brothers) They know me best and their wisdom and guidance helped pave my way. (With a little help from above) Who are YOUR mentors that can help you navigate life?
I hope that, when you are faced with a similar situation, you stop and count to ten. (That is what the experts tell us to do. HA!) You have a choice as to how you react to a situation and how you treat the other person. Think about the consequences of your actions. Are you about to hurt somebody (and yourself) by being vindictive, or is there a way you can learn from your situation by seeking understanding? Relationships can be so fragile and it takes both parties to either bring it closer together or drive it further apart. Choose wisely as many of us may end up leading a very lonely, envious, selfish, regretful and superficial life with our actions and reactions to others. Remember; “It’s not about you anyway.”
Search for wisdom in dealing with others. Don’t ever burn bridges. Seek understanding and not judgment. Be a “Lifter” rather than someone looking to tear others down or to WIN at all costs. Look to tame “The Big Me.” Have courage and come to the game with “Love rather than Hate.” Don’t worry about winning all of the time. No good team has a perfect record and no good man is a perfect man. There was only ONE of those.
Elevator Guy
Quote for the Day: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Carl Jung