JULY 22, 2022
Last week we shared thoughts about two very important words. Gratitude vs. Entitlement. Notice that we used “vs.” which shows these are two entirely contradictory words. Gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Being thankful is an attitude that is much more powerful than getting something one didn’t earn or deserve. (Being thankful for opportunities and memories come to mind) Gratitude is an emotion that involves being thankful and appreciative. Entitlement on the other hand, is “the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” I like to say an “Attitude of Gratitude” is much more important and influential than an “Attitude of Entitlement.” “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!”
I remember that in 1964 when I took my driver test, I quickly learned that getting a driver’s license and driving is a privilege and not a right and therefore, an entitlement. It is earned by showing you have the skills and knowledge to drive safely. I wonder how many of us look at driving as a right instead of a privilege. I see many drivers out there who often look like it is their right to be on the road while texting. (One my pet peeves) To me, that is a sense of entitlement that often gets overlooked. To me, I am just thankful I can drive at my age and anticipate the fact there are going to be those out there that “Hog the road.” Enough about driving.
Do you live a life of gratitude or do your efforts and hard work make you feel entitled to special treatment? If you have the latter, watch out because people will disappoint you, be revengeful, resentful, and may even try to upset your own world view of life in a negative way. Signs that a person is acting entitled might include but not limited to:
- Others think they are better than you. (Try for a little less “Vitamin I” and you just might understand how to get along with other people)
- They have double standards for themselves and others. (Sounds like some politicians I know)
- They have a hard time playing fairly because fairness implies equality. (Equality means respectfully treating everyone exactly the same.) This may be hard to do.
- They have a tendency to manipulate and control others. (If you want to change someone, start with yourself)
What causes a sense of entitlement? The so-called experts say this; “How people are treated by their parents and other authority figures, messages from the media, and other life events, especially those that make people feel that they are special,” are all ways of having that sense of entitlement. “No one is perfect and everyone is different. But everyone is beautiful in their own way and that’s what makes us special.” Aishwarya Rai Bachchan (for ease of pronunciation we will call her ARB) People may justify entitlements because of their sacrifices, uncomfortable emotions, their need to justify and defend themselves or superior knowledge. On the other hand, gratitude is the opposite of entitlement. Gratitude is quiet, gentle and unassuming, whereas entitlement is demanding, loud, and abrasive. If you are trying to build relationships or making new friends, gratitude is attractive and strengthens relationships while entitlement is repellent and weakens them.
How do we combat an overblown sense of entitlement in ourselves? People high in entitlement believe that they should get what they want because of “WHO” they are. (Who are you?) Entitled individuals think they deserve more than other people, even when they really aren’t better than others. To combat entitlement; try practicing thankfulness in everything by loving our neighbors as ourselves, practicing humility and contentment. Entitlement is about the self in relation to others with a dose of narcissism which often comes its own sense of entitlement. If so, try being a little more “self-aware” when you are playing the entitlement card. If you are living around an entitled person, try treating everyone equally; feel some empathy and compassion for them, include them in your life because all they really want is to belong. But remember, there is only so much you can do. The entitled person must recognize it in themselves and be thankful. One of life’s top character traits.
Try thinking more of being thankful in all things. (Start with God) If interested, check out author Bob Goff and three of his great books; “Love Does,” Everybody Always,” and “Undistracted.” (Thanks to my granddaughter Thea for turning me on to Bob Goff) Living in this great country of ours, we should all be thankful that we have the many freedoms we enjoy. Yes, there are things we can do to grow and improve. (Try growing your mind, body, and soul to keep growing) Make sure you are on the path as a builder, not destroying what others have paid for with their lives. Show some gratitude!
And finally: Try Amor Fati; Welcome all of life’s experiences as good. Then you will have something to be thankful for.
Elevator Guy
Quote for Day: “Feeling entitled is the opposite of feeling gratitude. Gratitude opens the heart, while entitlement closes it.” Paul Gibbons