MAY 5, 2023
I love the 1967 movie classic, “Cool Hand Luke” and its famous line “What we’ve got here…is failure to communicate.” Luke, played by Paul Newman, is part of a chain gang in a U.S. prison. Unbendable to the will of the warden, he hears the famous quote regularly before being punished. Ironically in this case, the communication is crystal clear, however, the protagonist chooses not to accept it. (“I’m just not going to take it anymore” comes to mind.)
Some of you are much better communicators than others. While we think that we communicate well with others, we may need to reflect on how we communicate. Your response to any stimuli is important and says a lot about WHO you are. Do you respond with anger, disgust, or are you calm and thoughtful in your response? Much of this depends upon how you communicated as a child. If you were bullied or yelled at, then maybe you return the favor and take it out on others. Not a good thing to continue, if this is you.
The key communication skill one can obtain is called “Listening.” Our brains are already thinking about our response when someone communicates with us. Especially if you are in a business setting and need an immediate response. Empathy is a component of good listening. The ability to feel in yourself, what another person is feeling can be very important in the listening process. Of course, listening is an “Art” that requires giving people your full attention when they are speaking to you. It is the “First Class” thing to do. Are you listening or are you “checked out” by not listening at all? Is it something that is not interesting to you but could be to the other person?
Most of us practice and experience what we will call “Minimal Listening” which might include. “I’m listening to you, but it’s really all about me;” “Just the facts” listening; “Empathetic listening” which is reading body language when they are talking. “I see that you are upset.” “How can I make things better?” Then there is “Optimal Listening.” For optimal listening you may need to be prepared ahead of time to plan what you are going to say. “I’m going to give you a piece of my mind” might not be the best answer. This becomes more of a judgment rather than trying to understand.
Often, I hear the “Topper” who takes everything they hear and refers it back to your own experience. “I do that too.” Then you have your “Fault Finding” listeners. You might disagree because you think it is fun to disagree and you find you can get away with it. These people normally end up listening to themselves and are not really interested in what you have to say. “Placating” is the opposite of “Fault Finding” but it is just another way of checking out. Finally, you might find those “Derailers.” They suddenly change the subject and are often done by people in power who do not like to be challenged at anything. Watch out for the derailers. They might have a problem for every solution.
How well do you communicate? Work hard on being a good listener. It is the right thing to do.
Elevator Guy
Quote for the Day: “Be a good listener…It makes the person who’s speaking to you feel loved, cared for and worthy of being heard.” Dr. Wayne Dyer