JUNE 4, 2021
THE BIG ME
One of the Four Pillars of our Band of Brothers (and Women of Worth) is Self-Mastery, or as I like to call it, “The Big Me.” We all have used “The Big Me” throughout our lives. Some more than others. I am certain people look at someone and think to themselves, “Wow, that person has a STRONG EGO.” Personally, I like those with a “Healthy” ego. One with Wisdom, Courage, and Love (our other three pillars). Mainstream psychology puts a great deal of faith on a strong ego. Ego development and a positive self-concept are considered important ingredients of a mature personality. Yet, narcissism, “The HABIT of focusing attention on oneself rather than the world of objects and others,” is often considered a disorder. Our dreams and agreements we make with ourselves early in life, may be considered egocentric and always afraid of doing the wrong thing. This is why many people hold themselves back. It boils down to the FEAR of making a mistake or possibly, the FEAR of missing out. If you add religion’s long standing warnings against selfishness and self-love, in which pride is considered one of the cardinal sins (check out the “7 Cardinal Sins”), then it looks like society is against the EGO.
As humans, we all have the need to be loved (look at the Daily 7). It often seems that the EGO might be a “Calling of the soul to be loved.” Remember, God loves you just the way you are. He might want us to “Check our Egos at the door occasionally, but he still loves us and wants us to love ourselves in a healthy manner. Others still love us in spite of our EGOs. To some, a strong ego may be the only comfort that a partner or friend in life might want or need. (There is “Wanting” or “Desiring” to be loved again) When we become narcissistic, we are NOT on solid ground or thinking clearly; or we are caught up in passion (try thinking about ANGER here). Knowing one’s self as well as loving one’s self is important. SELF-AWARENESS is important to help keep you from becoming a narcissistic FOOL (this is what I try to work on daily as I often play the fool). No one WANTS to be considered or looked at as a FOOL. Unfortunately, there are lots of us fools out there in the world and it is up to each of us to use some “Self-Mastery” here.
Some people are just hard-headed. They may suffer from a “Hard-Pride” where NO ONE can get through to them. Here we see the symptom of self-absorption that allows NO connection of the heart. Obsessive and ungenuine self-love, leaves no room for intimacy with another person because many narcissists don’t EVER want to give away any of their power. As we have said in recent remarks, it is important, not only to KNOW yourself but to LOVE yourself. Narcissists ask themselves and possibly others over and over again; “Am I doing alright?” “Did I please you?” OR “It is my way or the highway.” Many of these type of people, over time, become distant, cold, and self-contained, letting NO ONE into their inner circle or their soul. The narcissist doesn’t understand that the self-acceptance he/she craves, can’t be forced or manufactured; it has to be learned or discovered. Most narcissists are confused and have those deep inner questions about WHO they really are and their true importance to themselves and others. I see this in retirees who have worked their entire lives, by building their lives on quick-sand. Then, when they retire, they find that they were only measuring themselves to others by how successful they were in life (often measured by their net worth rather than their self-worth). Remember, it is never too late to get your life together. If this is you, try starting today.
We all love the adoration and admiration of others and often work too hard at earning others’ respect. The narcissist lacks “Depth” and openness. Many choose to make a go at life by themselves, dragging others along with them which might be painful and devastating to all parties. It might be helpful to “Share” your success with others. That is true leadership.
America’s narcissism can be viewed in many ways. Many countries look up to America (our democracy) as a beacon of HOPE. But others, even our own so-called “Leaders,” look at us as bad or selfish (often a self-reflection of their own weaknesses and foibles). Personally, here is where I like to look “BACK” on what sacrifices others made to allow us to exist as a nation (lots of threats coming our way so we had better be prepared). Then it is our duty to keep that spirit alive in promoting personal responsibility with compassion.
My mind is fried right now. Thanks for listening as there is more to come.
Elevator Guy